The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Overheard on The Paths

“‘Exit-her’ would’ve been a good contraceptive slogan, but wouldn’t be necessary for our community…”

“Can I get Harkness points for sharing my thoughts with my imaginary friend?”

“Will having a good football team mean I can make friends?”

“I chose Exeter for its urban environment.”

“I can squeeze in 30.5 minutes of socializing between my orthodontist appointment and physics competition.”

“Andover was my [sniffle] safety school.”

“The only reason I didn’t get into Andover was my interview. Apparently, they don’t care about how many digits of pi you can recite.”

“There’s no way the Deans made Saturday classes half-days. First they made them biweekly, now this? I paid for the full weekly eight hours!”

“Wait, this isn’t Andover?”

“Why doesn’t our lion mascot have teeth?”