The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

Thanks, Elon: That Kid in Your EBI’s Private Twitter No Longer Banned

Senior Oasis: Giving Dirty Looks to the People Applying to the Same College

To Protect High-Profile Email Correspondance Between Student Asking Teacher Dumb Questions, Office of Information Technology Desk Installs Double Authentication

Halloween Costumes as Original as Melania Trump’s Speeches

Get All the Physics Teachers Together and It’s Basically a Comedy Troupe

Freshman’s Belief in the “Andover Experience” Crushed After Finding Out Kids From Their Local High School Also Learn About Anti-Racism and Trigonometry

Silent Rated #1 Place to Stalk Where the Class of ’22 Ended Up