The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

Eighth Page to Cut Ties With Ye

Concerned Parents Worried Drunk Goggles May Lead to Stronger Things

Senior Smiles for the First Time in Months During Senior Portrait

If You Didn’t Get “Accidentally” Groped at the Halloween Dance, Were You Even There?

Football PG Considering 6-Year Plan

This Week’s Unsolved Mystery: House Counselor’s Dog Comes Down With Mono

The Dead Rise From Graveyard––Oh Wait, It’s Just the Addison Party

It’s That Time of Year: 1/18th-Cherokee White Kids Check the Indigenous Box on Common App