The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

Brave Teacher Asks Parents to Introduce Their Pronouns


Dad “Accidentally” Throws Dollar Bills On Stage During Strut Grasshopper Performance
Entire CCO Hides in Underground Bomb Shelter When P ’23s Visit Campus

Audacious Dr. RayK Tries to Interrupt 500 Conversations at ASM

Talk of Civil War After Mom’s Bureau of Investigation (MBI) Raids Kid’s Pot Stash

Relationships Saved Now that Fourth Student Tests Positive for Mono

Academy To Put Joe Biden In Charge of Endowment

Effective Method to Get More Parent Donations: Give Them a Tour of Pine Knoll

Researchers Say Commons Line for Chicken Nuggets Comparable to the Length of Boys JV2 Soccer Shorts

Teacher Complains About Writing Midterm Comments, Shocked She Has to Do Her Job