The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Proposal for New Names for Buildings

New names for our buildings instead of honoring bad men:

Fuess: Feces (to honor the smell)
Stimson: Hastily Constructed Mausoleum
Stearns: Stern (creative, huh?)
Samuel Phillips Hall: Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of Happiness
Oliver Wendell Holmes Library: Oliver Twist Children’s Home
Pearson Hall: Cum Phallus (gotta love the classics)
Morse Hall: Remorse Hall (it’s okay to be a failure)
Rockwell: Deodorant Donation Drop Off
Gelb Science Center: Sykes Counseling Stepping Stone
George Washington Hall: Where Dreams Go to Die
Bulfinch Hall: Group Therapy