The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

After Giving $3 to Hurricane Relief Fundraiser, Senior Writes College Essay About the Importance of Community Service

ASM Speaker Admits He Accidentally Did Research on the Wrong School

Proud Boys Mad That Kanye West Stole Their Thunder With “White Lives Matter” T-Shirt

In Dr. Patel’s Weekly Report, Three Students Have Mono, Two of Them Have Questions

Sleepy Donald Trump Confuses Elaine Chao’s Name With His Favorite High Fiber Cereal “Coco Chow”

Stephanie Cormier Accepts Position (And Bribes) from Local Fair

Weird Roommate Swears the Smell Is Rotting Pork Chops and Dead Tropical Fish