The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Students’ Growth and Accountability Plans Got Leaked! Oh no!

Making “offensive” joke:
Start writing for the Eighth Page. Those guys understand boundaries.
Empathy exercise: let the deans make fun of your every insecurity
Re-enroll in Junior year EBI
Report any laughter to Deans
Add footnotes to jokes

Failing to breathalyze yourself/your friends:
Go to club fair in hopes of finding a better-behaved friend group. Submit candidates for deans’ approval
PAPS internship
Do a character analysis of Will Ferrell in “Old School”
Apply to be a Peer Listener
Use time machine to become prohibition-era cop

Calling your Teacher “Mom”:
Start podcast on student-teacher boundaries
Sykes counseling with teacher and real mom in attendance
Ask father which one arouses him the most
Start another podcast on parent-teacher boundaries…
Get used to sharing a last name with your teacher, now stepmom