The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Faculty Weekender


Faculty Campus Closet: get your pre-stained coffee mug today.

Hungry Hippos: Make your unique, putrid salad bar combo! (Paresky Commons, 5pm)

Trick or Treat! BYOBB=bring your own black bag. More affordable than Redstone. (Every single dorm, Friday, 10pm)


Commons Daycare! (The only free childcare in the U.S.)


Lawn Social! Connect with students by watching their every move.

House Counselor Seminar: learn the best casual sign-in interrogation! i.e., “Is it okay if I smell your breath?”



Grading Papers and Giving Feedback: $5 gift card prizes for those who actually show up

Diversity, Equity, Inclusion (DEI) Workshop: Finally learn that Asian kid’s name (Reading: How to be anti racist, pages 1-69)

Looking Ahead:
Faculty Square Dancing
Secret Faculty Meeting (NOT A UNION)
Barn Babies (add to your cat collection)