The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Faculty Weekender

Friday:

Faculty Campus Closet: get your pre-stained coffee mug today.

Hungry Hippos: Make your unique, putrid salad bar combo! (Paresky Commons, 5pm)

Trick or Treat! BYOBB=bring your own black bag. More affordable than Redstone. (Every single dorm, Friday, 10pm)

Saturday:

Commons Daycare! (The only free childcare in the U.S.)

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Lawn Social! Connect with students by watching their every move.

House Counselor Seminar: learn the best casual sign-in interrogation! i.e., “Is it okay if I smell your breath?”

 

Sunday:

Grading Papers and Giving Feedback: $5 gift card prizes for those who actually show up

Diversity, Equity, Inclusion (DEI) Workshop: Finally learn that Asian kid’s name (Reading: How to be anti racist, pages 1-69)

Looking Ahead:
Faculty Square Dancing
Secret Faculty Meeting (NOT A UNION)
Barn Babies (add to your cat collection)