The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

Mispronounced Land Acknowledgement at Matriculation Invents New Tribes

Shocking News: A 96-Year-Old Woman has Died

ASM Becomes Weekly so Administrators Can Finally Have a Job Description

No Tests, No Problems—For Covid and Academia

Students Eat the Mushrooms Growing in Pine Knoll Bathrooms to Supplement Commons Diet

The Lawns Are Yellow–PASC Seems to Be Doing Its Job

Dilemma: A Hot Teacher in that Class You Need to Drop