The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: 23’s Productive Summer

Hi College Counselor,

I hope you had a relaxing summer. I sure did. I spent it island hopping on Flying Fox from Monaco to Ibiza and everywhere around and in between (except Mykonos, God forbid, I do have class). You know I really committed myself to fully experiencing the culture of the Mediterranean. Of course, I wouldn’t be caught dead with the locals, but I did “pasar tiempo” with several foreigners from London, the Cotswolds, and the likes. Funnily enough, all of our parents actually went to school together, which to me is a coincidence which only further demonstrates the incredible life experience gained by these rich summer cultural experiences.

But don’t get the wrong idea. My summer wasn’t all pristine beaches, numerous women, or spectacular boats slicing through the emerald sea. I actually didn’t even leave for Europe until June 21, more than two weeks after I finished school. How embarrassing! I was forced to turn off Snap maps and even deleted my socials in case, in my nightly lapse of judgment, I were to post a story with the humble glittering lights of the UES in the background. I was only home for so long because my mother required me to attend my great-grandfather’s funeral. She just has no idea about the importance of my senior summer. She was visibly upset when I suggested that if Grandpappy’s funeral were in St. Tropez, maybe people would actually want to go. I think this traumatic experience could be a good topic for a college essay, no?

When I finally made it “across the pond,” it wasn’t all smooth sailing either. Let’s just say, inflation has really hit Loro Piana and Cannes. My expertise in economics really became applicable this summer.
Thankfully, unlike my personal idol Jordan Belfort’s boat in “The Wolf of Wall Street”, I can handle a bit of chop. I’m actually more of a Madoff man, but Belfort is still pretty cool.

Anyway, I look forward to our next chat. Let me know what you think of the essay idea. I think I’m headed in the right direction.