The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Restorative Discipline: Core Blue Will Leave You Blue

Welcoming Statement: At Phillips Academy, we strive to foster a supportive and intentionally diverse environment, regardless of the homogenous cliques that form upon arrival. Educating “Youth from Every Quarter” is our ultimate objective, although in our quarter we seem to find more New England athletes with Bible verses in their Instagram bios. Inspirational stuff, by the way. All students are expected to live by “Non Sibi,” whether this means helping a “friend” by reminding them of their lovable defects or leaving uneaten food on your Paresky Commons plate for the worms in the “compost.”

Essential Elements to Living: In order to be a contributing member of the Andover community, students must abide by the guidelines. Some of our community expectations include:

Respect food delivery hours. If ordering occurs past the allowed times, a fleet of Campus Safety Toyota Hybrids will swarm the DoorDash driver and force them to give the name of the orderer. Of course, our main concern is the reason for hunger at such a late hour, but in order to train our students to be leaders of a strong future, they must learn to hunt for their own food.

Students are required to maintain basic levels of hygiene at all times. “Accidentally” giving your entire dorm a foot fungus because you didn’t wear your shower flip flops may slide the first few times, but it will eventually not be tolerated. Wear shower shoes, or Sykes will bring out the machete.

Class attendance and timeliness is crucial for every student’s learning (yes, this includes EBI). It doesn’t matter how little sleep you got or how much Covid-19 is terrorizing your immune system. You cannot miss an essential class discussion that is dominated by that kid who believes oppression is an “abstract” concept.

Need Help? The Andover community consists of a web of services made to assist students:

Feeling like you are trapped and have nowhere to go? Submit a day excuse with details such as destination, mode of transportation, and a five paragraph justification with Chicago Style footnotes. It is completely up to your House Counselor’s approval which may take up to 7-14 business days.

Experiencing Inequity and Exclusion? We will take immediate action. Sure, that kid who said that slur will still be able to graduate, but if we ever, ever catch someone with an incorrect citation (plagiarism is an act of hate), you can kiss the steps of Sam Phil goodbye.

Core Blue will transform our community, establishing Restorative Justice (fancy words, right? We are so woke). Even though Core Blue seems like a sugarcoated version of the Blue Book, this will truly enact effective and lasting change at our core.