The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Recent Donations from Your Generous Philanthropic Parents

1 billion dollars for new squash courts (Palfrey Pavillion is nice and all…but that one only cost 1 million dollars)

$20,000,000 for a group of friends my kid can eat lunch with

$500,000 for PA power walking team

$420,000 to get rid of that sticky little DC summon  

$2,000,000 to College Counseling Office (please model your strategies based on Lori Loughlin) 

$6,000 to Add PA Embroidered Barbour Jackets to Campus Closet

$666,666 for Mandatory Sunday Service

$25 for Teacher Appreciation

$600,613 to Invest in Exxon Mobil Corp