The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

Blue Book Excerpts From “Major Offenses” Section Reported As Best Beach Read 

Sending Scofield a Blue Card Photo Is Harder Than Snapping Your Crush

Bearded Senior Enrages Teaching Fellow Who’s Only Capable of Sprouting Pubic-Hair-Looking Wisps On Chin 

Contagious “Senior Spring” Attitude Should Be More of a Concern Than Covid…Quarantine Lazy Seniors!

The Biggest Crisis to Hit Privileged Boys: Whether or Not to Go Into Finance

The Response “I Slept a Lot During the Break” Deemed Weakest Cover Up For Excessive Inebriation 

Kanye, Can You Follow @thephillipian? We Have More Funds Than pacryptoclub!!

Recent “Community Concern” Reassures Students Who Were Worried They Got Looped Into a Radical Liberal School