“Does the Blue Book say anything about slipping melatonin into my loud hallmates’ water bottles? Isn’t that more Non Sibi than anything?”
“If I have empty Tito’s bottles simply as dorm decorations, I can’t get disciplined right? I didn’t do the emptying, I swear.”
“As a house counselor, I’m allowed to ban fun on weekend nights, right?”
“Confirm your email address to access all of PornHub’s features. A confirmation was sent to ADean@andover.edu. Reply STOP to stop receiving messages.”
“Are you coming to the restorative justice seminar? Also, don’t forget to email Johnny’s parents about his permanent suspension.”
“I left the black bag in the mailbox. There’s some good stuff in there, just right to take the edge off.”
“‘Lady Lazarus’ by Sylvia Plath is a great poem for your Friday Memo email since it really resonates with the gaiety of winter term.”
“Pleaseeeee can we have room visitations??? I promise it’s strictly platonic. I’ll literally wear a mask and a condom the whole time if you really don’t trust me.”