The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

Doordash Driver Goes “GTA” On Students Who Can’t Pick One Side of the Road


Unvaccinated Students Don’t Want to Patronize Downtown Andover Businesses Anyways


Green Boxes Unjustly Evict Den Snacks Even Though They Paid Rent and More


“Hottest Student?” Rejected As Security Question for Multi-Factor Identification Method


Covid Positivity Rate At Andover Lower Than the College Acceptance Rate That Rejected You


Black Ice Trips Up Campus More Than Identifying Girl Who Went Blonde Over Break 


Students Can’t Tell Difference Between Biology Skeleton and the Teacher That Should Retire 


Open Snyder Said to Be Andover’s Social Mecca


Unboosted Son of Ghislaine Maxwell P’24 Crushed to Hear He Won’t Make it to Mom’s Hearing


Julia Fox Or Mr. Fox: Who is Bringing Back Low Rise Jeans