The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: What Everyone Actually Does When Their Zoom Cameras Are Off

Apply to Deerfield

Stalk their teacher’s college a cappella group

Rehearse saying “thank you” at the end of class

Touch themselves to the screen shared photo of Nietzsche

A Peloton Class

Be silly and goofy

Steal more art from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum 


Erect a monument to the Sun God, Ra

Get Tucker Carlson to Pay for your Abortion

Apply for The Bachelor Season 27

Watch Infowars 

Be OJ’s Third Wife

Read “Lolita”

Get another Booster for the high

Get a “Facial”

Take family photos in matching pajamas

Protest Showers


Listening to class (jk)