The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

Breaking: Timberlands Replace Golden Gooses As Biggest Wearable Red Flag 

“Spanish Churro Party” Instagram Post Proved to Have More Reposts then the Egg 

Instructional Squash Named Easiest Sport Commitment Since Yoga 

Sykes’ Counseling Prioritizes Honesty, Winter Memo Says “It Only Gets Worse”

Whites Underrepresented in CAMD Scholars: Students Suggest AWARE Scholar Program In Response

NFT of Graves Opens At $69

Assuming “Holly Jolly” is a New Drug, Deans Ban Christmas Music   

Commons Unhappy with Amount Of Students Asking Santa For No More Clam Chowder