The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: REAL TIPS on How to Prepare for Your Exeter Admissions Interview

It’s that time of year again: Admissions season. Here are insider interview tips and tricks to help you find your place in the Big Red Nice (not communism).

  1. Don’t forget your calculator. It’s pretty common for admissions officers to perform standard Calculator Aptitude Tests during an interview. If you can’t switch the mode from degrees to radians in under two seconds, you might as well just go home.
  2. Do not dangle a participle under any circumstance. In this admissions office (not to be confused with the parking garage behind the Target), a dangling participle is a one way ticket to St. Paul’s. 
  3. Wear a tie. Our admissions officers frequently require that their interviewees perform a series of knots with the tie. Don’t worry, all of these knots are recognized by the Knot Advisory of the Boy Scouts of America, so nothing unexpected. If you don’t have your own tie, a bowtie will do.
  4. Bring the records from your most recent eye exam. After a few incidents, we are legally required to make sure that you can tell the difference between the library and the county jail across the street. 
  5. Be the most socially awkward version of yourself to show your interviewer that you’ll fit right in with the Exeter community!
  6. Do not mention that Exeter is your safety school and your top choice is Andover. No need to admit the painfully obvious.

Good luck and remember, a rejection letter might be for your own good.