The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

Olivia Wilde’s Boyfriend Can’t Afford His Own Sweatshirts


Family Weekend Speed Dating Weekender Event Goes Horribly Wrong


After Pooping on Conservative Student, ASM Speaker Forces Bird in Chapel to Also Poop on Liberal


Couple in Comfy Makes it All The Way to “Conclusion Paragraph”


Optional Masking Means You Can No Longer Mouth Curses at Your English Teacher for that 4+


Student on Probation Gives Dean a Hug After ASM Speaker Says “Love Your Enemies”


Sunday Salisbury Steak Puts Students’ Digestive Systems and Dorm Plumbing to the Test