The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Overheard on The Paths

 “I swear, water polo players wear speedos on their heads too.”

“Wanna walk downtown with me? I’m going to the Andover Shop to find a sugar daddy in the bowtie aisles.”

“I heard Jelliott shotgunned like five Red Bulls on the lawn last night! No wonder her ASM speeches are so energetic.”

“Dr. Kington accidentally introduced himself as ‘RayK’ in his latest magazine feature. Our work here is done.”

“I’m excited to take masks off indoors, but what if my History teacher becomes less DILFy?” 

“I’m so mad. I’ve been touching so many people with my bare feet, and I still haven’t been featured on @pasneakylinks!?!?”

“Would my house counselor even notice if I ran away?”

“How many Commons plates of leftovers do you think I can leave under my roommate’s bed before it starts to smell?”

“My family basically ran Palestine, but we technically weren’t royalty.”

“Andover Polo Club’s intro meeting better not be today. My family crest blazer’s still with E&R.”

“Hey baby, are you REACH? Because I want to SISOme more of you <3”