The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

Eighth Page Investigates: Those Kids Who Skateboard Outside of the Library All Day Were Accidentally Not Enrolled in Any Classes, Explaining Their Abundant Free Time

Rearrangement of Library Seating Strips Students of One Constant in Their Sad Lives

Sweater Weather Approaches: Prepare Be Reminded of College Process Every Time You See a Sweatshirt Anywhere

Brandy Melville Packages Pile Up Outside of Day Hall

In Response to “Dump Your Racist BF” Stickers Given Out at Club Fair, “Give Your Racist BF One More Chance” Stickers Sell Out With Incredible Speed

Commons Menu Programmers Develop Skill of “Lying” to Get Students to Come to Meals

Water Polo Team Requests Tighter Speedos