“Honestly, girls with boyfriends shouldn’t be allowed to post on Instagram”
“Please tell me you are wearing that drug-rug ironically.”
“Clam chowder, my favorite!”
“My PE teacher is literally cock blocking me. How am I supposed to look good when I have to spend an hour in a dirty pool the period before.”
“Apparently blue balls won’t get me an excused absence from Sykes?”
“Do you think I can get a 6 if I pull up to English class dressed as Shakespeare?”
“My mom asked me about my red eyes on Facetime. Like c’mon mom, ever heard of allergy season?”
“Every night my roommate’s bed starts to squeak, I can’t imagine how much he tosses and turns.”
