The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Overheard on The Paths

“Apparently acting like I can’t see or hear any of the Freshmen in my dorm is considered ‘hazing.’ Isn’t that just character building?”

“I would order in… but I don’t wanna miss Salisbury Steak”

“When are the Trustees gonna pay for a Celcius tap in Commons?”

“Our dorm meeting was so informative, apparently tampons aren’t flushable!”

“If my House Counselor doesn’t think the mold is a problem, why doesn’t she use our showers??”

“If I don’t turn in my homework, that’s less work for my teacher. #NonSibi”

“How come only the teachers who hate me came back this year.”

“As a Tour Guide Ambassador, I think it’s my duty to show prospective students all the best hookup spots on campus.”

“Please Mr. Perry, just cuss once, I’ll stop asking.”