Miraculously, the Worst Week of Every Upper’s Life Has Fallen on This Week
Vaccinated Students Now Only Sent Home for Hook-Ups if They End Awkwardly
After Last Week’s Trivia Cash Prize Success, Upper and Senior Casino Night to Have Minimum Bet of $10,000
Your Mom’s Dog Visiting Last Week Causes Great Social Anxiety Among Campus Dogs That Haven’t Seen Anyone on over a Year
Parental Visitation Exposes Many Students for Being from Massachusetts
Intimate Messages Written in Mccarthyism Chapter of Reference Book in Silent Found By Mr. Perry, Writers Still Unknown
E&R Begs Freshmen to Stop Pooping Their Pants