The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

Casino Night is Scheduled for Next Saturday! Sike, We Lied, Just More Mini Golf!!! 

As No Underclassmen Have Met Any Co-Pres Candidates, They Will Be Surprised to Learn They Are All Three Feet Tall

Head of School Day Huge Flop, Barn Babies Called in for Damage Control

Day-Student-Run Laundry Business Hits Stock Market by Storm, Trustees Make Investments

Anti-Racism Task Force Members too Busy Making Committees to Put in Place Any
Anti-Racism at Andover

Recent Deaths Have Prevented Andover from Hiring Prince Phillip as Diversity and Inclusion Head, and Bernie Madoff as C.F.O.