The Phillipian Satire: Classifieds For The Lovelorn…
Andover can be a lonely place, and it’s not always easy to meet new people. So this week, we are highlighting TWO real Andover students looking for love (serious relationships only—we don’t advertise hook-ups). If interested in putting your name here, email lsloss22@andover.edu and jcollet22@andover.edu.
Serena Lee ’22:
Cool Facts About me!
She exclusively shops on Poshmark and sells on Depop
She will comment “SO CUTE” on your Instagram post, even if you won a debate tournament and are still in your slacks
She’s bringing back low waisted jeans. She doesn’t care that they make you insecure, they are cool in LA.
She cut bangs and immediately regretted it… while broadcasting it
She will hiss at you if you don’t like Tupac
Dealbreaker(s):
Doesn’t skate (duh.)
Looks like he sleeps
Can’t drive (Dr. Lee can’t drive us everywhere)
Ideal Date Spot:
Abandoned parking lot off the 405 with a nice view of the Hollyboob sign
Zach Hooven ’22?
Cool Facts About Me!:
He listen to indie music (ask him his favorite Tame Impala song, he loves that)
Proud UFO and Bigfoot believer, including multiple confirmed sightings and some well written fanfictions
Was dropped down the stairs on his head as a child (can’t you tell?)
Pet-mom of a three-year-old ferret, Symere Woods Jr.
He has been to Illinois twice and both times were underwhelming
He enjoys provoking his teachers, especially when he didn’t do his Math homework
Dealbreaker(s):
Doesn’t respect the trap
If you talk s—- about Chief Keef
Geminis
Ideal Date Spot:
Front steps of Foxcroft
