The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: The Week’s Top Headlines

Andover Business Club Reveals Newest Endeavor: Dogfighting in SamPhil Basement

Disguised As “Susie’s Cafe and Convenience,” Den Receives Over $3 Million in Federal Aid for Small Businesses

White Rice Beats Pasta with Marinara for Best Commons Meal, Thanks to Narrow Wins in Battleground Dorms in Knoll Country, Quads

“I just think this could be a great venue to tie the knot,” Says Freshman Couple in Gelb Tent

Fall Grading Scale Changed From 1-6 to Increasingly Happy Cat Emojis

Senior Night Bingo Turns Violent After Andover Bucket Hat Revealed as First Prize

Nevada Taking Almost as Long as My History Teacher to Assign Breakout Rooms