The Eighth Page

Features Presents: Prom Roast 2015!

Ellie Simon ’15 & Jared Newman ’15 Watch out, Jared, she might pull a Drumline/Features/SLAM and bail at the last minute. Grade: best couple that never dated

Hannah Burns ’15 & Ryder Garnsey ’15 In a shocking turn of events, Hannah goes for: an older lacrosse player. Grade: I repeat, this is not fan-fiction

Tennyson Teece ’15 & Channi Greenwall She exists! And since he met her, Tennyson hasn’t… Grade: 3000 miles

Evie Elson ’15 & Will Humphrey ’16 Will there be enough room at their table for all of Will’s other lady friends? Grade: gal pal

Nicholas Swenson ’15 & Vienna Kuhn ’16 Swens finally found a friend. Grade: going Dutch

Josh Murphy ’15 & Alex Thomas ’15 We have high hopes their relationship won’t crash.. Grade: belligerent

Diego Blandon ’15 & Alessa Cross ’16 Isn’t Diego from Greenwich too? Grade: close enough…

Abby Czito ’15 & Marcus Thompson ’15 Beginner’s luck… Grade: no, seriously

Matteo Bruni ’15 & Foster Conklin ’16 Is this a political statement? Grade: it’s a spectrum

Miles Neumann ’15 & Gina Soutendijk ’15 White? Check. Republican? Check. Blonde? Check. Grade: she ain’t got no type

Kailash Sundaram ’15 & Victoria Skrivanos ’15 If at first you don’t succeed… Grade: try, try, try again

Ellie Blum ’15 & Andrew Zheng ’15 He was hoping to rent a plane, too, but COO Ellie wouldn’t let him Grade: $8.00

Eliza Quigley ’15 & Payton Jancsy ’16 We get it. Grade: Smell ya at prom.

Lila Dolan ’15 & James Flynn ’16 Proof that the Dad Bod works. Grade: #mustacheisoverkill

Jack Lane ’15 & Emily Anderson ’16 Well, it was either Emily or Juju… Grade: Phillipiancest vs. Twincest

Rob Irvin ’15 & Ali Hill ’15 Rob still gets to wear a long dress, because if you didn’t know, they’re dating. Grade: cuffed

Kayla Thompson ’15 & David Gutierrez ’15 See you in the White House. Grade: #powerhungry

Elizabeth Kemp ’15 & Erik Wurman ’15 He’s been pucking around with the wrong roommate… Grade: #17

Conner Cameron ’15 & Charlotte Berry ’15 He better think twice before he tells them to get a room(mate) Grade: room 311

Jamie Chen ’15 & Taylor Chin ’14 Still? Grade: Long-distance

Juan Pablo Villarreal ’15 & Anna Kramer ’16 Ur ine for a treat Grade: pillow talk

Kinsey Yost ’15 & Oliver Chernyk ’15 Well, at least they look good in pictures! Grade: Austin looks good too, though…

Liana Brooks ’15 & Billy Casagrande ’15 WARNING: U-Haul’s only allowed to park in the friend-zone. Grade: #whipped

Foster LeBeouf ’15 & Sarah Humes ’16 She wants the D-voted boyfriend. Grade: 69

Tessa Peterson ’15 & Culver Duquette ’15 Throwback Thursday Grade: class of ’82

Vince Mocco ’15 & Isabella Haegg ’16 Is the prom spotlight big enough for both of them? Grade: divas

Julia Zell ’15 and Calvin Griffin ’15 She has pretty sketches; he’s pretty sketchy. Grade: GoFundThem

Tim Bulens ’15 & Issraa Faiz ’15 Best Couple that Should Have Started Dating in 2011 Grade: about time

Nico Robertson ’15 & Christina Schoeller ’16 After a week’s worth of sleep deprivation, only a cox could drag Nico to Prom. Grade: 8 hours

Nolan Crawford ’15 & Jen Kaplan ’15 Does the Boston State Room have a helicopter landing pad, or will they have to provide that, too? Zagat Rating: $$$$

Marc Sevastopoulo ’15 & Claire Kister ’16 We didn’t Thea this one coming! Grade: Sevastopou-no, sorry

Durham Abric ’15 & Parker Tope ’16 He had her at “cello.” Grade: 2017

Frances Yackel ’15 & Andrew Vallejos ’14 Define “exclusive.” Grade: C for commitment

Phoebe Gould ’15 & Jack Shumway ’15 What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. But Atlantis sure ain’t Vegas, baby. Grade: Goulden

Madeleine Mayhew ’15 & Alex Dz5xd%z ’16 He’s almost as funny as her brother! Grade: 6++++++

Jack MacWilliams ’15 & Zoe Leibovitch ’15 Jack’s just climbing up that inCline Grade: 420

Addison Davenport ’15 & Sarah Eikenberry ’16 Addison’s Zellous of her previous engagement. Grade: Class of ’13

Grace Tully ’15 & Julian Otis ’16 Feminism meets meninism. Grade: 6.0

Jaleel Williams ’15 & Lane Unsworth ’15 SIA on the dance floor. Grade: anonymous

Chris Russo ’15 & Sara Luzuriaga ’16 You have to take a bus: no scooters allowed. Grade: just a warning

Sina Golkari ’15 & Emma Crowe ’15 Isn’t he with Isabel? Grade: or Tejas?

Sam Glazer ’15 & Isabel Taylor ’15 Glazed eyes, full hearts, can’t lose. Grade: round 2

Julia Marcus ’15 & Dylan Norris ’16 Is Dylan the blonde one oar the brunette? Grade: 2k