I try to call my parents every day after school, whenever I have free time, or when I’m walking somewhere across campus. Our conversations usually entail how both of our days went, the latest interesting tea we’ve overheard, and, of course, a bit of clever complaining about how jam-packed my schedule is at Andover. That always earns me a satisfying “You’re doing great” or “Wow, you’re so amazing!” When I tell them I went to practice extra for sports, I’m complimented and told what a hard-working and motivated individual I am. It feels like my work is being validated or seen; boosted by their support, I even strive to maintain a better schedule so I can have more time to practice. But as much joy as their encouragement brings me, I can’t help but have my doubts. Self-motivation is the internal drive to pursue goals, maintain a growth mindset, and keep pushing on your own accord. But can I really call it my own motivation if it’s other outside factors that are truly driving me? I think there are two parts of “motivation” — the discipline one harbors to keep working toward their goals day after day, and the pressure that makes those goals feel necessary to achieve.
At Andover, students spend hours every day studying, completing homework, participating in extracurriculars, and more. When individuals turn in extra credit or spend extra time each day studying for assessments, we call it motivation. But aside from people who genuinely enjoy reviewing textbook material, it’s unlikely that one would put in that extra effort to earn stellar grades without the pressure to get into good colleges. And like many others, I fall prey to this toxic mindset. I spend most of my time after classes training for my sport, squash. And though I love it more than anything else, I would much rather spend my time napping, watching movies, or lazing in bed than drilling extra at the courts. Yet I still make the trek from my dorm to Snyder every day just to toil away at the ball. And the true reasons I show up? I can’t risk disappointing my coaches or missing out on a shot at getting recruited to play in college. For the younger generation, everything we do always seems to tie back to college or a career. So is it really appropriate to call the work that everyone and I put into our goals “motivation”? It seems that what truly drives our hard work stems from the fear of not living up to society’s expectations.
Despite my rather pessimistic view on what self-motivation really is, I still wish to acknowledge the sheer determination, commitment, and discipline it takes to work toward your goals. While it may be external factors driving the extra pushes you make, the actual work comes solely from you. There are evidently so many more fun, easy things to do than study, work, attend club lectures, or push your body to its limits for your sport. And yet we still do those things. We make that choice to set down our video games or phones and pick up the pencil. Or to set our alarm clocks just that extra hour earlier. The actual reasons behind every goal that we set and the pressures that afflict us don’t change the value of our hard work. Those who study because they love it and those who study because they fear the consequences deserve the same amount of acknowledgment and respect.
So when I call my parents and bask in their praise for all my exhausting feats of the day, or wail to them about how frustrating something is and my worries about the future, I always end up thinking about what drives everyone’s decisions. At times, I start to feel guilty about parading as some self-motivated individual, when it’s really fear and pressure that drive my discipline. For those of you who feel the same way, every time you doubt yourself or someone compliments you for your hard work, remember it’s not the reason behind your motives that defines you, but the choice you make to keep following through.
