As Andover begins another cycle of begging for money, the Administration invites back Alumni—who are supposed to be rich by now—to campus. The generous souls who choose to come, the few and the brave Goldman Sachs Investment Banker lacrosse players, begin returning to campus, searching for nostalgia and the baggie they hid for their five year reunion.
These Alumni walked the campus once again, reminiscing the hours of phone calls and clash games held on those paths. After that, they hit up the dormitories for old times’ sake. As soon as the door opened, the familiar smell of hard socks, EOS lotion, and Sharpies hit, wafting in the air like toxic gas. Huddled in the back, a group of Freshman debated in a circle, enveloping the master debater and shooting loads of important factual information back and forth. The Alumni felt inspired to impart some of their own wisdom.
Moving into the kitchen, the Alumni were confused to hear the rhythmic sweeping of brooms. Until the Bartlet boy broke into song! Suddenly, an ensemble of young students began singing, the superior, “Annie” (2014) version of “It’s a hard knock life.” Students cleaned dishes with sudden jubilation. With a sponge from A-house, making sure that everything was squeaky clean!
Once the dishes were clean to the House Master’s liking, the children twirled their ways to the basement stairs. Is that a sweatshop? Taking away that underground wrestling league was so not Ferda. Although the Alumni felt offended by the hit to their masculinity, they did admire the drive of the students. After all, tariffs admittedly had led some to ponder the prospect of child labor and the price to pay for the “Made in America” tag.
One Alumnus promised he would donate a little extra this year to support such patriotism, exclaiming, “More Ice Cream trucks for the Children!”
