On a regular afternoon in 2021, I would sit on a purple desk chair and open my laptop to join my sixth-grade teacher’s read-aloud sessions. I can only recall so much that I retained from them — after all, I had my camera turned off so that I could simultaneously enjoy my lunch. However, I remember a specific scene from a book called “Bloomability” by Sharon Creech: The main character, Dinnie, describes her friend named Lila, who frequently uses the phrase “I’m the kind of person who …” and finishes the sentence in various ways. Dinnie wonders how Lila can finish the sentence so confidently, knowing exactly who she is. With the sarcasm of a teenager, I secretly laughed at Dinnie’s concern. Let’s be honest: How difficult is it to finish the sentence “I’m the kind of person who (blank)?” To my surprise, my mind went numb when I tried to fill in the blank of the simple sentence. I’ve been on a quest ever since to be able to fill in the blank of Lila’s favorite phrase. And this quest began to unravel in earnest at Andover.
What kind of person am I? Of course, I am Korean who comes from California and Texas. I play the violin and like writing. However, it’s awkward to say that I’m the kind of person who is Korean, writes, and plays violin. To answer the question properly, I needed to delve into something deeper than superficial attributes, into the essence of my personality. So, I began my Lower year trying to answer the questions: What do I like? What do I want?
In September, I tried out for soccer with my friends (only to quit after one practice), went to the seemingly intimidating Philo meetings, and even learned how to spin the poi balls from Photon. In those places, I felt as fresh and nervous as a new student. I shyly introduced myself to the more experienced-looking soccer players; my heart raced after fumbling a practice round with the beginner Philo debaters; and I laughed like I never had after successfully spinning the poi balls in a loop.
In late fall, I discovered my people. I met a group of kind friends who I’m still grateful for. They taught me who I like being around, who I feel comfortable with, and who makes me feel like I belong. I also learned that I really like having a roommate. The late-night conversations and movie nights helped me thwart sporadic episodes of homesickness.
In January, I became a poet inspired by tiny little things, such as Paresky Commons cucumbers covered with soy sauce and chili peppers. I began writing in my first language as well, keeping all my finished and unfinished poems in a Notes file on my phone. I found that I like feeling artistic, whimsical, and emotional. I learned to store my feelings in written words.
In February, I realized that I might be a little scared of heights. The ropes course in PE was one of the greatest concerns in my winter term, second to my chemistry tests. But I also learned that I’m the kind of person who wants to see the end; I don’t like giving up while I still can do more. For instance, when our class had a rock climbing session for our final, I kept trying a course that I wanted to climb until my fingers gave out and I couldn’t feel my own knuckles. The following afternoon, I paid the price of practicing the violin with blistered fingers and strained arm muscles; however, I’m still glad that I gave my best attempt at climbing that course.
Now that I’m almost finished with my second chapter at Andover, I’ll say that this year has allowed me to discover and more closely understand who I am. I found that I’m the kind of person who wants to see the end. I’m the kind of person who is a lot more poetic and artistic than I thought. I’m the kind of person who gains energy from socializing, although I may appear introverted.
These discoveries didn’t come naturally — I was always scouting for ways to fulfill my goal from sixth grade, to know myself to the point that I can describe it in words. But many of the discoveries came to me unexpectedly. In hindsight, trying new things and keeping an open mind let people reach and transform me.
I’m yet to find more of who I am and what I want. But I’m glad I’m navigating my quest at Andover, in this environment and with these people.
