Rooming season — a stressful time for all of us: rising Lowers on the prowl for roomates, rising Uppers on the prowl for pull-in opportunities, and rising Seniors desperately trying to find their way into a stack. For current Seniors, however, housing presents a plethora of economic opportunities. One Senior, exploiting the confusing concept of a “lottery” system and the gullibility of underclassmen, devised a fresh way to capitalize. His scheme involved selling fake lottery tickets, promising admission into high-demand dorms.
One unlucky victim of this ploy, Fred Parks ’21, recounted his experience in an exclusive interview with The Phillipian.
“I responded to ad in The Phillipian searching for kids trying to get into Bartlett. I shoot this guy an email, and he replies, telling me to meet him in the basement of Gelb at 6:00 p.m. on Tuesday night. When I get there, this guy is in a full Power Rangers suit and a ski mask, but I guess I didn’t think that was sketchy at the time. I’m thinking, ‘Great, here’s this cool, respectable Senior who’s just trying to help me out.’ God, I should have known,” said Parks, shaking his head.
The Senior then reportedly convinced Parks to dish out over a thousand BlueBucks, promising that his name would be added into the lottery several hundred times. He had alleged that he had learned how to hack into the system during his computer science class, at which point Parks was totally on board.
“Nobody explained that’s it’s not an actual lottery. I had literally no concept of how that worked, you know? I was so vulnerable,” lamented Parks. “I just didn’t want to live closer to Uburger than the gym.”
Later that night, in a Rockwell House room, Parks bragged incessantly to his friends about the “heist” he had achieved: “You’re going into the lottery? That’s hilarious. I payed a Senior to rig the lottery for me, and I know where I’m going,” he gloated.
Word spread of this controversial transaction through the halls of Third North and Third South, and in no time, the begrudged Senior was sitting before a disciplinary committee. In his DC statement, the Senior showed heartwarming remorse: “When there’s a demand, there’s gotta be a supply. Do you have no respect for entrepreneurship?”
