February’s Green Cup Challenge has sent Phillips Academy students into an energy-saving frenzy. There have been reports from every corner of campus of Proctors and Prefects doing the unthinkable: unplugging their mini-fridges. Some students were so compelled by the Green Cup Challenge that they did away not only with extra computer hours but also with light bulbs, zippers and worldly possessions. Do your homework, CAMD, you’ve got some Amish students on your hands. No matter which way you slice it, this friendly competition has drastically altered the state of our school. And where did it begin? It began with the drowning polar bears. While the polar ice caps melt, and the environmental apocalypse is on our hands, all that we can worry about is the homeless polar bears. Sure they are white and furry, but so are most homeless people. And it’s not like they can’t fend for themselves, either. God didn’t make them with enormous, bone-crushing jaws and ferocious clawed paws so that they could roll over and die at sea. Also, according to the Phillipian Zoological Almanac, between the polar bear’s webbed feet, body fat percentage and in-board motor, the animal is virtually unsinkable, meaning that the probable cause of these deaths is not melted ice caps, but Clinical Bear Depression. In any case, the polar bears are not who we should be worried about in this next month’s eco-friendly endeavor. Instead, think of Shep and Ian Murray when you leave your desk light on through the day. Shep and Ian Murray are the founding brothers of the Vineyard Vines clothing company. They have few loves in this world: pastels, madras and their yacht. The boys had dreamt of owning such a boat since boyhood. It would be a large boat, at least 100 feet long, and it would have a captain and a crew in matching red pants and belts with whales on them. They would travel the world and sell their flamboyant attire to 20-something-year-old white men who forgot to bring their Polo on vacation. It would be a grand life, and the boys earned it, building their business one popped collar at a time. Finally they could afford their vessel, and have lived their dream ever since. However, each February, sales begin to lack. For the past four years, the company has lost increasing amounts of money. And what does this loss coincide with? The Green Cup Challenge. In attempts to save energy, computers are shut down after use. This greatly reduces the number of online shoppers, especially those inclined towards the midnight impulse buy. Now, while this effects all online vendors, Vineyard Vines can not survive the loss of the eco-conscious New England Prep School demographic. It was fine when it was just Exeter, but now with 14 different prep schools “Saving the Watt,” the whole operation could go under in one fell swoop. Bankruptcy does not lend itself well to yacht ownership. And so, is it really in the interest of the greater good to preserve our environment? Think of guys like Shep and Ian. How many lives do we have to trample to save this idealistic world without drought and dying wildlife? Perhaps it is time to let the polar bears drown and “Save the Yacht.”
