To fully understand the Commentary section, we must understand its origin: Late one night in the middle of No-Shave November, 1777, Harry M. Ustache sat in his dorm room writing in his “journal” with a quill:
“Dear diary, it’s me, Harry. I’ve been judged, oh diary, judged preemptively by my facial hair… unfair assumptions were made. They said I look like a bison… they called me “weirdo beard-o.” There is not yet a word that describes the act of preemptive and negative narrow-mindedness… it is some terrible sort of (dis)heartening (crimin)aliz(ation). You can’t judge a scroll by its casing!!!!”
After creating the word that would later become the subject of all Commentary rants—I mean articles—Harry went on to share his passionate views with his roommate, Reginald Archibald, in his usual obnoxiously loud manner. Harry wasn’t yelling, exactly… it was more like expelling words.
Poor Reginald, on the brink of a complete mental breakdown thanks to Harry, could take this complaining no longer. He demanded that Harry find a new outlet for his “opinions” or else he would sue for millions of sixpence in therapy. So Harry went to The Phillipian and demanded to start his own column, called “Comments by Harry” which was later shortened to “Comment’arry.” Soon enough, students around the school were sending their insufferable—I mean opinionated—roomies to the newsroom, and everyone’s least favorite section was born.
Fast-forward a few centuries, where the newest Commentary editors, bow-Ty Lian and criss-Cross-apple-sauce, continue the traditions of facial hair and ranting in the newsroom. We look forward to insulting them and being duly inappropriate… to give them more material for Commentary, of course.
