This afternoon, I received an e-mail informing me of this Monday’s College Fair. Upon receiving this news, I began to remember last year’s event. It was a cloudy Monday evening, and all of the soon-to-be-Seniors still thought that they would get in to the school of their choice. In droves they poured into the Cage, and flocked to the tables of Yale, Princeton and Harvard. There were wild rumblings of GPA’s, acceptance rates, yearly tuitions and application deadlines. I noticed some Uppers hugging their knees and rocking back and forth on the floor, muttering quietly about the Ivy League. Frankly, it was not the fun and games that I hoped it would be. Now, you may be thinking to yourself, “Wait a minute, Sam. You’re just a Lower! What were you doing at the College Fair as a Junior? Are you really that much of a go-getter?” The truth is, I wasn’t so concerned with the whole “College” part of this “College Fair,” so much as I was interested in the “Fair” half of the event. You’re right, I was just a Junior last year. There were no mountains of homework to keep me from the pie-eating contests, Ferris wheels, and sheep-sheering which I was convinced were going on in the fair in the Cage. And so, eyes bright with hope and wonder, I skipped all the way to Borden. To say the least, I was crushed. The event was far more “College” than “Fair,” and left a Junior feeling forlorn and out of place. The only glimmer of Freshman fun that I could find was the word “Scattergram,” yet I soon realized that I was the only one giggling. And so, I propose that we adopt a college fair that would be both informative for Uppers, and enjoyable for everyone. Perhaps this year, Ms. Mosca, we replace the College Fair with the College Faire… Ye Olde College Faire. There would be something for everyone at Ye Olde College Faire. At most Phillips Academy receptions, there are hors d’oeuvres and punch. The College Fair of 2006 was the first Academy event that I had attended where refreshments remained conspicuously absent. At Ye Olde College Faire, this will no longer be the case. Here there will be iron goblets filled with fizzy beverage, mutton roasting over an open flame and smoked turkey legs the size of your head. In my opinion, a pamphlet can only do so much in helping a student line up his prospective college choices. One can read only so many testimonials and statistics before USC becomes FU. And so, in the true medieval fashion, we will make it easy for the Uppers. Can’t decide between Wesleyan and Vassar? Have them joust. Throughout the evening, admissions officers will joust one another in the old Smith ice rink in order to show just which school reigns supreme… in swordsmanship. The loser would be tarred and feathered. I also noticed a lack of music in the festivities of College Fair ’06. I realize that everyone is looking for information and maybe music would prove to be a distraction. But as I learned from those with breaking down on the track, I think that music would serve as a good alternative to speed-date-esque, high-pressure conversations with admissions officers. At Ye Olde College Faire, minstrels with lutes, lyres, and other instruments that you’ve never heard of will sing tales of the application process. Gather ‘round, friends, And lend me your ear, The application deadline Draws ever near, On November 1st Send early applications here, If you are late You are getting deferred. Yes, we are on the brink of change. The old pamphlet-collecting days are over, and I, for one, am ready to start anew. So please, College Counseling Office, consider breaking the mold and making Ye Olde College Faire a reality. Perhaps one day you will see that the application process is so much more than GPA’s and scattergrams… hee-hee scattergrams.
