Cindy McCain After Just Getting Up Although Cindy may look like a Vulcan warrior princess when she is in public, the years begin to show after she gets up in the morning. Scare the living daylights out of your friends by making a make-up free, un-Botoxed Cindy McCain mask! Top off the Cindy look by wearing an orange dress that looks like something from the set of Star Trek, along with thousands of dollars of expensive and gaudy jewelry. Or, if you’re tired of telling the gang that you’re Cindy McCain and you feel like a change, keep the same hideous mask on and tell everyone that you’re Sarah Jessica Parker! It works two ways! All right! “Working Woman” Ladies, you’re not convincing any of us. We guys are 99 percent sure that you’re not real witches when you’re all wearing something that resembles two small pieces of black duct tape. You aren’t a bee just because you’re wearing a headband with antennae on it. Also, bees don’t talk and they should be far smaller than human sized. Although we really do appreciate your effort, we’re just not convinced. Why not just cut out the middleman, cut throughout all the frills, and be a prostitute for Halloween? You could talk in an unusually deep voice, wear fishnet tights and six-inch heels, be a chain smoker, and smear lipstick all over your face. Local Used Car Dealership Owner As a local used car dealership owner, you would have to dress in a cheap suit, be at least thirty pounds overweight, make your hair look like a dead rodent, and talk in an obnoxiously loud Massachusetts accent. You’d be that guy at the Halloween party who goes up to groups of people in the middle of a conversation and yells about your “sweet, sweet bahgins” on used sedans. Sure, people might give you weird stares or ask you to go away, but they’re cracking up on the inside! Jimmy Fallon Be a mediocre actor who laughs at inopportune moments on Saturday Night Live. People will want to punch you in the face, guaranteed! At least you’ll always have Fever Pitch. That was quite a quality film, right? I’m pretty sure it won a Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Award or two.
