The Academy has taken the Greener Blue initiative to a whole new level with the introduction of various exotic species to the Cochran Bird Sanctuary last week. The evergreens that populated the forest in the days of yore are no more, having been replaced by banana trees, which have much broader needles. Dr. Reilly Green, Head of the Greener Blue project, claims that “by introducing these banana plants to the Sanctuary, we increase the oxygen levels on campus. Maybe that will help seal up the ozone hole over Rockwell that arose out of all that spray-on deodorant.” In addition to plants, Dr. Green purchased wild animals that were originally imported from the jungles of Indonesia, South America and the Merrimack Valley Petting Zoo, to reside in the bird sanctuary. The Office of Community and Multicultural Development (CAMD) vehemently supported Green’s efforts, claiming that the addition of “animals from every quarter” would contribute to a more diverse animal environment. The cross-country team, whose daily workouts consist mainly of skipping backwards along the Sanctuary’s trails while blindfolded, reacted positively to the jungle-ization of the temperate broadleaf forest. Cott Biekema ’13, Andover’s top cross-country Post-Graduate, said, “Having wild panthers chasing after us while we run is really a great way to encourage us to do our best. We’ve only had a few accidents so far, and they were JV runners, anyway.” Three-toed Sloth Pond (formerly known as Rabbit Pond) became home to tropical sea creatures such as electric eels, sting rays and seahorses. Unfortunately, Dr. Green did not do his homework—the poor saltwater fish died almost immediately in the freshwater pond due to an acute case of irony. To add insult to injury, on the day that all the jungle animals were set loose to roam about the Sanctuary, winter storm Marlin swept through the Northeast. The storm brought on another Ice Age, which swiftly killed the animals who had not yet adjusted from slightly warmer weather. The banana trees, however, survived the blizzard (as they are native to Scandinavia) and hungry students now flock to the Sanctuary for a quick snack, loaded with potassium, during conference period.
