**Moderator, Dude of Studs:** Welcome to the 237th Presidential Debate atop Andover Hill. Today, we will be discussing many serious topics and pressing issues on campus.
We only have a few candidates here today, as many are occupied with interviews with Oprah and Ellen.
Our first question comes from an anonymous student via RapChat: “What do you plan to do about the crack in the sidewalk behind the back door of Gelb?”
**Odysseus S. Grant:** I plan to select the best blacksmiths from Greece, the same men who built the Trojan horse.
This project will take about three years. Remember, Rome was not built in a day.
**Baracka Flocka Flame:** I disagree entirely. I believe we should establish a FlockaCare system at Andover, so sidewalk cracks everywhere can heal themselves.
**Moderator Dude of Studs:** Good discussion, good discussion. Moving on – how do you plan to integrate both the protein and scrumptious flavor of chocolate milk into our everyday life at Andover?
**Jorge Shrub:** Every ounce of liquid on campus should be replaced by chocolate milk. I don’t care what you say about water being the key to life – chocolate milk is the key to happiness. We should place a chocolate milk ATM in Susie’s.
**Baebraham Lincoln:** We cannot bind chocolate milk to the confines of an ATM! Don’t underestimate me. I have built multiple story buildings with Lincoln logs! I can be president of this great nation, Andover.
**Moderator, Dude of Studs:** Thank you so much to each and every one of our candidates. Polls will open tonight at 9:00 p.m. and close around 9:03 p.m.
