The time: eve. The event: a celebration of sorts. The beverage of choice: non-alcoholic. Our hero goes by the name of Terrance Fowler ’10. He wears a plaid scarf and dreams of a cold winter. Not quite two minutes remain before the New Year. The snowflakes gather quickly with every passing minute. Alone tonight on the roof of his apartment building, he sits in thought with a cup of bubbling cider and a party hat. A crisp wind blows by. A noise comes from the fire escape. A dark face appears on the ledge of the roof. If you think Terrance should approach the stranger, go to choice 1a. If you’re a wimp, and wish for Terrance to run away, go to choice 1b. 1a. How brave of you! Terrance walks toward the dark figure. Who can this man be? The stranger climbs to the top of the fire escape, revealing his seven-foot-tall figure. He holds out a trembling hand. His long white beard catches on the cement. There is a box resting on his palm. It glows with a dim, eerie neon color. How interesting. If you think Terrance should open the box, go to 2a. If you think Terrance should push the old man off the roof and continue partying recklessly, go to 2b. 1b. You really are a wimp, aren’t you? Terrance has nowhere to run, and clumsily trips and falls off the roof to his death. Way to go. You just killed off the Features Section’s last hope. I hope you’re happy. Go to step 1a, wimp. 2a. Terrance goes to open the box, but the old man grabs Terrance’s hand. The cold, moist fingers have a strong grip. If you think Terrance should take out his bowie knife and end this, go to 3a. If you think Terrance is merely denying his lust for the old man, go to 3b. 2b. With the strength of a bull, Terrance charges the old man. His shoulder hits the old man with deadly force, knocking the stranger off the top of the building. The old man falls to his death. The clock strikes midnight, and Terrance hears behind him something crying and screaming. It is a baby. The baby of the New Year. If you think this story now sucks because it’s so cliché, well, you deserve to be bored–you killed an old man. If you think this is a great story, and the author should get a raise, go to 3c. 3a. Terrance slips his free hand into his coat pocket and pulls at where his knife should be. He finds nothing. The old man cackles as the bell tower begins to toll and lightning strikes a nearby church steeple. “Looking for this?” he shouts, holding up Terrance’s beloved weapon of choice. Without any hope for survival, Terrance blows his emergency whistle. To find out what happens and what was inside the box, ask Terrance in person! 3b. Terrance relaxes and accepts who he is. He shudders and faints with joy. The old man catches Terrance in his arms and whispers softly in his ears. They embrace. Music plays. Doves fly. Fireworks light the night sky. Oh, what a wonderful time of year. 3c. Unfortunately, the Features section does not pay its writers. Terrance picks up the baby, takes hold of him with outstretched arms and shouts with joy. All around him people sing, and 2007 embraces our hero. All is well. All is calm. All is bright.
