The back of my head was pounding, and my arid throat was screaming to quench its thirst. I was exhausted, desperately counting the seconds until the minute reached 50 during my last class of the day. I stared down at my worn desk and began to read the carvings on its wooden surface. Much of it was the typical initials and graduation years. However, one distinct sentence instantly caught my eye. It read, “I wanna know what love is.” As a Catholic, I believe that true love never fails. Love is patient and kind, and it is sustained through proper communication.
Today’s society often confuses love with infatuation and lust. Look at the media, for instance. We have normalized messy dating shows like Love Island and created terms like “friends with benefits,” “rosters,” and “love-bombing” because they entertain us like a game. People, especially teenagers, also tend to mistake being in a relationship for being in love. However, being in a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean genuine love exists between two people. When people crave the feeling of being loved, they may respond to dissatisfaction or conflict in a relationship by seeking fulfillment in a new one rather than addressing underlying issues.
Relationships commonly begin with Instagram DMs, TikTok interactions, or even Snapchat photos. Some teenage couples start dating before they have even taken the time to get to know each other. In the first few weeks of this school year alone, I have already started to see couples holding hands and cuddling on couches. I have even heard of a six-man—six couples—that formed before new boarding students have even moved onto campus! Immediately dating someone means that you do not know who they truly are. You know practically nothing about their ideals, values, habits, or communication skills.
People seem to forget how vulnerable one can be when they are in love. One of my past relationships ended that way. I absolutely poured my heart out for a boy. Seeing and spending time with him instantly made my entire day. I was willing to do anything for that boy, and I did. I gave him gifts (small handmade cards, clothes I bought him, and his favorite candy), planned practically every date, and texted him constantly. Sure, being in a relationship was cute, but I slowly realized I had been too absorbed in something that did not end up lasting very long. I felt as though I had lost a part of myself the following day of the breakup. Exhausted and confused, I lay in bed in disbelief that the person whom I made my world could be gone, just like that.
To love someone is not just to seek sexual intimacy. I smile whenever I see a teenage couple, but I wonder if their relationship is truly based on love. Of course, everyone has free will. I empathize with teenagers’ desire for independence, especially since our testosterone and estrogen levels tend to skyrocket at this age, but love is not something that should be rushed. The primary intentions for the outcome of a relationship should not be just to have sex. That is not even close to what love means. I grimace whenever I see or hear the phrases: “I am such a freak” or “I really need to crack.” What happened to actually getting to know each other? Learn about each other’s passions and fears. Have meaningful conversations with them before you ask them out on a date. A partner shouldn’t be a tool for intimacy, but a best friend you can talk to and rely on.
Don’t get me wrong, puppy love can be cute, even more so because the adrenaline rush creates a sense of satisfaction; but it has its limits. Imagine what our lives will look like if we keep feeding these trends. Is your ideal way of meeting your partner through Instagram, and their reason for messaging you because you looked good in your story?
So, to the person who wrote “I wanna know what love is” on that small wooden desk, how can you ever know what love is if people won’t realize that love is far more complex than society has made it out to be?
