I really love pressing buttons. That satisfying click makes me so proud of myself for completing something simple. So, per usual, when I saw the big blue button of “SAY YES TO ANDOVER” glaring at me from my computer screen, I’ll admit my excitement was more for pressing the button and seeing the glitter and confetti sparkle down than the letter of congratulations. At first, the celebration was beautifully uncomplicated: I had gotten in! Yay! That was the prize!
But as that glitter settled, a question clogged my mind. What am I being congratulated for?
Trapped inside a new cycle of thought, I referred to my friends. They promptly exclaimed, possibly because they were my closest friends, that I was “great.” That word soon became the steady soundtrack of my day as the news of my departure from my past life was revealed to the public. Funnily, the people who I never talked to started talking on and on about how “great” of an achievement that was. Our constant search for a sense and approval of “greatness” changed everything.
Looking back, this pressure wasn’t new. As a younger child, I was constantly reminded by my elders, comparing me with the, “Hey, look! It’s your Super Smart Asian Cousin who went to Harvard and did this and that…” Over time, the constant reinforcement of this idea at every family dinner implanted a rigid definition of success in my mind. It was like I had to reach some master achievement and get a shiny gold statue to foundationally establish my greatness in society. For a long time, this gave me a comforting blueprint to mindlessly follow.
However, even through the pursuit of this title, disillusioned growth has taught me that greatness is entirely subjective. Just defining “great” as a part of some ultimate victory in life truly loses the actions we took to get there. Greatness is a mountain range with infinite peaks as there is no single highest summit, only different vantage points looking out over the world.
In reality, though, greatness comes with a cost. To be so “great” practically means sacrificing a part of yourself in exchange for a title someone else grants to you. When we chase external validation, we hand over the keys of our own identity. We reshape our boundaries, silence our internal, authentic self, and compress our complexities just to fit neatly into a box labeled “exceptional” by the public, leaving us to guard this past treasure of a life that no longer feels entirely our own.
But is it worth it? Worth seeing yourself in your dream destination by breaking yourself based on the external forces rooted in what society approves of you? Is it worth it following someone else’s recipe to make yourself when you could have designed it yourself?
According to a 2018 Median article, “Society, at large, has convinced us that there are only a certain number of specific paths that we can follow.” But this is only the case if we rely too heavily on the titles proved with ease from standards and stereotypes set through the judgment of humankind.
Sure, we are all Andover students. That 13% admission rate doesn’t lie. Then, must we be at least “great” in some societal way, or else how would we have gotten in? Society values different traits at different times. Just because it’s not your time yet does not mean anything. Therefore, greatness should never just be defined by society. It is not defined based on your family’s total net worth, the school you go to, or even how much “better” you are than the rest. You need to define greatness for yourself too. Ways that make you great cannot be compared to others of someone else’s. Both are distinct individuals. Even if one is given empty praise, that would still never truly convince you that you are great unless you know it from the inside.
Ironically, while we struggle to grant ourselves this internal recognition, we have no problem projecting it onto the world stage. We all label our sports idols as the GOAT, or so-called “Greatest of All Time,” revealing another case based on our definition of who we perceive should receive our praise for their greatness and hard work. We are the prime decision-makers in this case. Then why do we deem it impossible for us to make our own?
Living in this state of everlasting comparison and competition, where you live your life based on someone else’s definition, will only make us fearful of the goals that aren’t ours because we become constantly afraid that someone out there will always be “greater” than us. This path to “greatness” is never just a prize to be won. It’s about your journey to get there. But be prepared: this path is never easy; Heavy is the head that wears the crown.
So go find your own greatness.
