As part of the Empathy, Balance, and Inclusion (EBI) curriculum, upperclassmen gathered in the Chapel for a talk by Justine Ang Fonte, sex educator and adjunct professor at the University of Michigan. Titled “Power, People-Pleasing, and Pleasure,” Fonte’s presentation focused on navigating power dynamics and the creation of safe, authentic relationships.
Fonte began with an activity in which she presented multiple scenarios, prompting the audience to clap for each one they experienced. She explained how their response drew attention to a common trend with consent.
“The reason that we have a consent problem is because of two types of people that perpetuate this problem together as a team… People-pleasers. As we people-please, we enable entitled people to then expect to get what they want when they want it. It causes people-pleasers to not want to pay the punishment for dealing with entitled people, so that they keep people-pleasing, so that the entitled people keep getting what they want when they want it, and the circle keeps building and building,” said Fonte.
Quin Langham ’26 expressed appreciation for the talk’s coverage of nuanced topics. She highlighted how the talk encouraged her to consider the importance of power dynamics in consensual exchange.
“For the most part, especially during the beginning of the whole consent conversation getting more popular, people were just like, no means no. Of course, it does, but they’ve been building on that since then. I really like the way that she talked about how power dynamics can influence the ways that consent is actually given and telling people that we need to pay attention to all of the aspects of that,” said Langham.
Similarly, Ayush Gupta ’26 described how the talk reinforced his beliefs while also expanding his understanding of consent. He mentioned the extension of consent beyond romantic relationships to normal, day-to-day interactions.
“It reinforced the way I think about consent and boundaries, but it distinguished itself from EBI in the way that it wasn’t just relationships with a partner, which EBI talks about so often. It was relationships with friends, with everyone around [us]. It reinforced a lot of my understanding, but it also added some new perspectives,” said Gupta.
Linda de Boer ’27 noted the importance of such conversations for upperclassmen. She noted how the talk helped clarify the role of consent and challenge common misconceptions spread by the media.
“We’re getting to that age where we’re talking about sex. It’s important for us to know about consent. A lot of media portraying intimate relationships doesn’t really talk about consent and almost romanticizes not having consent, which is very bad. As young people, we internalize the things that we see and we learn from the world around us. When we interact with media that makes a lack of consent something to be desired, then even if we don’t agree intellectually, we can internalize that kind of thinking. It’s really good that we are having these conversations and we can learn that consent is great and consent is what we want,” said de Boer.
Sebastián Vermut ’27 mentioned Fonte’s distinction between actions done from love and for love. He elaborated on how this idea compelled students to reflect on the intentions behind their actions and behaviors.
“One of the things I thought of was if your parents ask you to do the dishes. You say yes because that’s coming from a place of from love. You love your parents, you respect them, and of course you’ll do the dishes for them. It’s just the right thing to do versus in a scenario where you’re doing something to try and receive love. When put so simply, you can see how it’s toxic. In specific scenarios, it’s a little more nuanced. It’s important just to be able to recognize why you are doing these things. There’s motivations and reasons behind everything, and being able to put specific words to it is really important,” said Vermut.
To conclude her talk, Fonte encouraged students to break free from the polarity of consent by acknowledging each other’s values. She explained how this mutual respect can lead to positive cultural change.
“The cycle of consent occurs because of people-pleasers and entitled people. Supporting each other over and over. What you could choose is being someone that asserts value. Be the person [who] honors people’s values. But that choice is up to you. It’s going to take a big cultural shift for everyone to buy into that idea of asserting values is a good thing. Honoring other people’s values is a really good thing. If you were to normalize those two things, we would be in a place that would be having less guilt, less shame, and less displeasure,” said Fonte.
Reflecting on the talk, Langham shared her observations with student perspectives on EBI. She mentioned the necessity for students to engage with certain talks they find meaningful in order to shift its reputation.
“A lot of it is that students have to take the responsibility to be curious and to actually care about these things. The school can only do so much when the students don’t really care. So it’s like a mindset on both sides. The general culture [surrounding EBI] has shifted [from] where we were actually making constructive criticism to that just being a sentiment. Even if the actual speaker or the talk itself is good and impactful, it’s just about how much the student body is willing to receive it. That affects whenever there is a good lesson to be learned here,” said Langham.
