Josh Steiner ’83 P’17 ’19, co-author of “From Mistakes to Meaning: Owning Your Past so it Doesn’t Own You” and trustee emeritus, spoke to the Andover community about failure and mistakes at last Friday’s All-School Meeting (ASM). Following the ASM, Steiner held a luncheon with students in the Mural Room of Paresky Commons.
At ASM, Steiner discussed his experience within the Whitewater investigations, during which he served as Chief of Staff of the US Department of the Treasury under the Clinton Administration. Steiner discussed his experience of being legally investigated.
“I had a personal diary, I had to turn that over. And in that personal diary, there were all these references to this investigation. My diary was on the front page of the New York Times, and I was deeply embarrassed. I also turned over letters that I had written to my then-girlfriend, now-wife, which made reference to it,” said Steiner.
He continued, “I put [the experience] in a box. I took that box and I hid it someplace psychologically, the darkest, most unavailable place I could get to. I never talked about it. When anyone asked me about it, I made a joke about it, I tried to deflect, I wasn’t willing to go along with it. Over time, I realized that process, which is called suppression, is not the right way to do it.”
Following this, Steiner emphasized the importance of speaking to others about your mistakes.
“Mistakes are scary. And the way to make fewer of them, and the way to have them be less burdensome, is to talk about them more. And some you’ve got to talk your mistakes to death. That’s the way to kill them. You’ll make fewer of them, and they will carry less weight,” said Steiner.
Teddy Blum ’29 reflected on the talk’s impact on Andover students and the importance of embracing mistakes.
“Sometimes at Andover, students can feel really stressed when they make a big mistake, or even a small mistake. It was very meaningful and very good for Andover students to hear that you can learn from your mistakes and that you shouldn’t hide your feelings alone and you should think about them, talk about them if you want to, and then to learn from them,” said Blum.
The ASM was held in a Q&A format, with Caroline Odden, Dean of Students, asking Steiner questions. Chloe Song ’26 commented on the style of the ASM, noting that the format had been done at previous alumni panels.
“In the past I found [the format] engaging, and I also found it engaging this time around as well, because I also think people know [Dean] Odden, and their dynamic was funny. And so it’s different from a presentation. When you just present by yourself, there’s not the aspect of another person creating a dynamic, but when there’s another person asking you questions, you get to see maybe their more personable side better,” said Song.
After speaking with Odden, Steiner took questions from students, including Jacob Gruneich ’27. Gruneich explained why he asked Steiner about leadership.
“As an upperclassman, I’m thinking, how can I leave a mark as a leader on campus? And I’m starting to think about my time after Andover and I’m trying to learn how to be not only a leader, but an impactful leader who’s actually focused and addressing things that actually matter in society. That’s why I asked that question specifically,” said Gruneich.
Though Rachel Levitsky ’28 also appreciated Steiner’s talk, she mentioned that his lessons may not always be applicable at Andover.
“I liked how he spoke about failure in a way that Andover students could understand. Instead of speaking too formally, he utilized his humor to make his message stick on a deeper level. With a lot of internal pressures like other students, and external pressure, like colleges or teachers, it’s not super realistic to embrace every mistake we make. It’s usually difficult for students to see beyond the scope of a mistake. [For example,] if you get a bad grade it’s hard to see anything beyond that, especially in the moment,” said Levitsky.
