College is a 600-pound Silverback Gunga in the room. Everybody sees it, yet a very few muster up the courage to speak about it. And when we do speak about it, the conversation often ends with a “I hate school,” “Who cares about college anyway,” or “I don’t wanna think about it.” Speaking about college has now become a source of discomfort and awkward silence at Andover, leaving many students to worry about their chance of landing at an Ivy League institution or the strength of their extracurriculars behind closed doors. As lowerclassmen, we are told by the older students to refrain from talking about college or even asking questions vaguely related to admissions, because that might fix our reputations as college-obsessed. But why? The administration has acknowledged the importance of discourse surrounding college by opening up College Counseling for lowerclassmen, yet the cultural discouragement against such discussions remains prevalent in the student body. 99% of students at Andover will eventually take part in the college admissions process, and most of us already go through similar feelings of anxiety, fear, excitement, and confusion when thinking about college. College admissions should no longer be a taboo topic; we must establish safe spaces in which students can honestly discuss their struggles and concerns. Here are some ways in which we can make Andover a safe space to “talk college.”
From Juniors to post-graduates, each grade has distinct expectations regarding discussions about college. Lowerclassmen are told that they are “too young” to think about college and that they should “chill out.” Upperclassmen, on the other hand, are expected to have a fully fleshed-out plan about future majors, career plans, and strategies. If you are a hard-working student with a variety of passions, people assume that you are doing everything for college, whereas if you do not speak much about your passions, you may be seen as a “slacker” who doesn’t care much about college. These stereotypes and boundaries hinder students from opening up, especially when their relationship with college does not align with broader expectations. A Junior who already has a dream school and is passionate about college admissions, a senior who doesn’t care much, a hard-working student who has no idea how the process works, and an introverted student who really wants to go to a specific college: all opinions and thoughts are valid in the confusing process of admissions. Therefore, the first step in establishing safe spaces is to acknowledge that all students have a distinct relationship with admissions, regardless of their grade level, ethnicity, or other personal backgrounds.
Another concern that often serves as a barrier to discussing college is the intense competition. Some students believe that disclosing their honest thoughts, plans, and experiences makes them vulnerable in the competition. What if someone “steals” my passion project idea? What if people laugh at me because I am shooting too high? In a competitive environment like Andover, where students simultaneously care about their relationships with peers, academic success, and future plans, it may be difficult to confide in a general group of people to share their honest feelings. However, overcoming this perspective of competitive pressure helps ease the anxiety and stress that comes from comparing ourselves to others. Though many students might appear as trophies and untouchable magicians when viewed at a distance, engaging in honest conversations helps us recognize that we are in the same boat at the end of the day. Regardless of one’s achievements and reputation, we are all high school students trying hard academically while balancing social life and extracurriculars. This understanding is necessary for Andover students to support one another in the face of a common challenge of college. Therefore, the parents, school, and the student alike must make an effort to foster honest discussions with our peers, rather than exacerbating the competitive pressure.
Once we kick-start normalizing on-campus discussions regarding college, another hurdle remains: sustaining thoughtful, engaging discourse rather than dismissive ones. As aforementioned, many college-related topics end up as a meme or a lighthearted joke because students feel uncomfortable engaging in deeper-level discussions. To end this vicious cycle, next time someone brings up college, ask questions and contribute your opinions. And don’t censor yourself from sharing your emotions and thoughts that may be unpopular, since these conversations break the awkwardness and let genuine opinions flow.
College, college, college. Thoughts of college make me thrilled one day and incredibly anxious the other, scared out of my mind one day and excited the other. All emotions and perspectives on college matter, and Andover must make an intentional effort to let these opinions take the stage. We don’t have to worry alone, because we are all in this together.
