Boarding environments, especially at a younger age, can amplify friendships. Living together on campus allows students to spend extended amounts of time together, which has many upsides. For one, it’s fun to see your friends constantly throughout the day, hang out together after school and into the night, and then meet up again by the time morning rolls around. I have personally found that the immersive nature of boarding high school has improved my friendships. I love my friends at PA, and I love how often I get to see them. However, I also think it’s of critical importance to intentionally carve out time for yourself.
I’ve found that after some time, as the fall and winter terms begin to slip through your fingers, noise can become a constant, so much so that you rarely find yourself in silence. You’re always in some mode of interaction, which, while enjoyable, can make it easy to lose touch with your own thoughts and feelings. Spending time alone, even if it’s just an hour a day in your dorm at night, proffers a blank space that allows room for reflection. Sitting in silence with yourself shouldn’t become uncomfortable at any point, because at the end of the day, you’re stuck with yourself for a very long time to come. Not in an ominous way, but those moments of solitude are what will allow you to check in with your own mind and process the day.
Considering other people’s opinions when trying to establish your own path is not inherently wrong; it can be beneficial at times. However, you should be able to sort your thoughts without external input. It’s valuable to spend time alone and perhaps actively form stances and judgments of your own–whether that’s by reading articles, books, poems, etc., journaling, just doing nothing, or something else. Ultimately, as adolescents, we are growing into a body of perspective and introspection that hopefully will become more nuanced and perhaps more solid over time. At some point, you should be able to see a post on social media and find your own thoughts on its content before checking the comments.
Similarly, time alone can foster independence. Moments of intentional solitude can remind you that you are a young adult capable of entertaining, challenging, and understanding yourself without this constant stream of external input. This can build confidence, self-awareness, and a sense of personal agency that will not only benefit your internal life but also the way you engage with others. By spending more time alone, you could also become a better friend by approaching your relationships with greater patience, empathy, and presence. When you take the time to reflect on your own thoughts and feelings, you develop a clearer understanding of your values, boundaries, and emotional needs. This can also apply to romantic relationships. I’ve discerned this same form of constant interaction at an extreme level. When two people are always together, with little space for individual reflection, small frustrations or differences can quickly become magnified. Without solitude, it’s easy to lose perspective, to rely on the other person to define your mood or validate your feelings, and to miss the opportunity to understand yourself independently. By juxtaposition, carving out personal time allows each person to approach the relationship more thoughtfully, with a clearer sense of who they are and what they need, especially because, as a high schooler, you are so young and still figuring so much out.
In a boarding school, where friendships and activities can become so all-consuming, intentionally seeking silence can become a tool for emotional balance. It doesn’t have to weaken your relationships; you can just intentionally add some time to the end of your day to sit with your own thoughts. Ultimately, spending time alone in a boarding school doesn’t have to be a withdrawal of community and certainly isn’t — it is an investment in yourself and, by extension, in the quality of your relationships. While the intensity of communal life can make the days feel nonstop, carving out moments of silence allows you to process, recharge, and return to your people with greater presence and authenticity.
