To this day, Mulan’s “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” is my favorite Disney song. The bright vocals, poetic verse, and the tension in the scenes where it’s played continue to elevate it as a cult classic. I remember thinking to myself as a young child, “How do I become as swift as a coursing river?” I spent that summer climbing trees under the California heat, channeling my inner Shang, from Mulan, trying to measure up in my own way. Only in my freshman year, when I rewatched the movie with a group of friends, did I understand the song’s true meaning. It was one of the first lessons I received out of childhood: that masculine strength, as it was presented in the media, meant stoicism melded with an unflinching endurance. Masculinity was supposed to be loud and unwavering— “with all the strength of a raging fire.” With time, however, I realized this notion of masculinity was, at best, silly, and at worst, damaging. For men who don’t conform to certain masculine traits, it can be difficult to feel confident in themselves. Even for those who fit the standard, the pressure of maintaining an unshakeable image can be mentally and emotionally exhausting. Being taught that vulnerability and emotion are “feminine” can lead to isolation, a reluctance to seek help, and internalized stress that erodes men’s mental health. It’s no secret that men are nearly four times more likely to die of suicide than women. Many argue that this result is a direct consequence of suppressing key emotions every human expresses, regardless of sex.
Thankfully, awareness about men’s mental health is growing. Expanding the conversation about mental health and creating safe spaces for discussion is key to addressing the growing crises within male populations. As EBI speaker James Wilkerson outlined in his talk last Friday, it’s essential to include men in discussions of vulnerability, accountability, and stress management. His personal anecdotes were endearing, giving real-life context to abstract concepts. In particular, his framing of stress as a universal, deeply human emotion reminded students that vulnerability was not a weakness.
However, as I walked out the Chapel doors, a part of me remained unsettled. Though Mr. Wilkerson’s anecdotes were engaging and personal, I found some parts of his advice limited in scope. Focusing primarily on individual choices, such as checking in periodically or asking men to open up, doesn’t acknowledge the institutionalized factors that impact men’s mental health. Fragile masculinity, caused by unspoken rules about strength that are often internalized since childhood, makes even well-intentioned advice difficult to execute in practice.
Therefore, it’s crucial to address these underlying concerns. For many, talking about masculinity can feel threatening—it directly pinpoints a deeply rooted insecurity in many men. Fragile masculinity, or the need to continuously prove one’s “manhood”, manifests itself in shame when expressing vulnerability. It’s why young boys and grown men alike use humor to cover up their emotions—it’s a coping mechanism to avoid looking “weak”. Even in progressive settings like Andover, where gender constructs are more loosely defined, the stigma of masculinity persists. It appears in friend groups, in the classroom, and in sports. Silence becomes reinforced as a show of strength.
To solve this issue, it’s critical to expand our definition of what it means to exhibit masculinity. It’s possible to bear the “force of a great typhoon,” or be as “mysterious as the dark side of the moon,” while speaking honestly about the fears, anxieties, and stress everyone experiences. By reframing masculinity as not the absence of emotion, but the ability to confront it openly and honestly, we change the unsaid rules many men abide by. That’s why speakers like Mr. Wilkerson are so crucial to introduce the notion of vulnerability in traditionally unconventional spaces. However, if conversations regarding men’s mental health are to be truly transformative, they must challenge both individual behavior and the rooted ideals of fragile masculinity. Perhaps it is time we petition Shang to change his song, not to erase strength, but to expand it. Strength and vulnerability are not mutually exclusive: to be a man should mean masculinity with the courage to be honest.
