Although it sounds cliché and vacant, there is more purpose to adolescence than succeeding in school. Due to academic pressures, it can sometimes feel that we should feel guilty for having fun, as if it detracts from “truly” important things such as grades or extracurriculars. However, it is arguably the moments that do not translate into a resume filled with enjoyment, curiosity, and connection that shape your growth.
The period of adolescence should not be viewed solely as a process of becoming ready for adulthood. It should provide space and freedom to try, fail, change, and reflect in ways de-centered from academics. This can allow teenagers to, ultimately, engage more intentionally with their lives: not just as students or applicants, but as developing individuals. Treating rest, creativity, or social connections as secondary can foster an unhealthy notion that they are optional or a luxury. Allowing space for enjoyment fosters balance and sustainability, making success more meaningful rather than just exhausting.
One reason this belief is pervasive is likely due to the measurability of academic success. GPAs and awards provide clear evidence of excellence, but personal development is rarely as clearly quantifiable. Especially at Andover, where excellence is both expected and celebrated, it is easy to equate worth with productivity — the rigor of classes, the intensity of competition, and the culture of ambition can unintentionally reinforce the idea that every moment must be optimized for success. While this environment indubitably fosters discipline and intellectual growth, it can also blur the line between healthy challenge and toxic competition. Due to this, life skills — specifically learning how to form meaningful relationships — which are developed through experience, not rigorous training, are often valued less because of their perceived unproductivity.
However, reframing your understanding of success — especially in an environment like Andover — does not mean rejecting rigor or disengaging from goals. Rather, it means integrating intellectual rigor with personal fulfillment in a way that is sustainable. As young people, we are told at times that deep friendships or romantic relationships are distractions. However, through emotional intimacy with others, you begin to recognize your own patterns and needs: how you communicate, what you fear, how to compromise, and what you need to feel understood and validated. Therefore, these relationships should be viewed as not emotional add-ons to academic life, but as necessary for adolescents to develop emotional literacy. I remember feeling this myself on a Saturday night during spring term my freshman year–sitting on the lawn with friends who had become extremely important to me over the course of the year, talking and laughing together until sign-in despite us all knowing somewhere in the back of our head that we had homework to do. I realized then that these unstructured, joyful moments were not necessarily distractions from growth — they were the embodiment of growth. In that laughter, in the shared stories and quiet confessions, I learned a lot about myself and others.
That being said, another understated but lasting aspect of learning how to navigate relationships during adolescence is knowing how you enjoy spending your time or having fun. This may seem inconsequential in the moment, but it can become surprisingly formative. What you experience and learn about yourself as a teenager can become the foundation for how you continue to rest, connect, and sustain yourself through periods of pressure in the future. Understanding what fulfillment looks like for you is not indulgent, but rather practical, equipping you with the ability to maintain a meaningful and livable relationship balanced with ambition for the rest of your life.
Ultimately, adolescence is not solely about checking boxes or accumulating accolades. It is also about cultivating a foundation for a meaningful life. Success in this period should not be measured only by grades, awards, or productivity, but by the depth of your growth — intellectually, emotionally, and socially. By allowing space for curiosity, joy, rest, and connection, adolescents can develop the resilience and self-awareness necessary to navigate both challenges and opportunities in their futures.
