Listening to the laments on messages to a crush left unread, nonchalant greetings from a partner, and a toxic ex leave doubts on whether high school love life truly matters. Many relationships in high school start off passionately, yet fade too quickly in the face of academic pressure and time constraints. Indeed, a study titled Romantic Relationships in Adolescence by Jennifer Connolly shows that steady romantic relationships in high school only last about a couple of months on average. On top of this, only 2 percent of high school relationships end with marriages. With the burden of juggling academics, extracurriculars, and social life, sustaining a healthy love life in high school seems impossible; and, of course, meaningless. Why invest your time in a relationship that is destined to fail? Though the future of high school sweethearts may seem bleak, cultivating romantic relationships as teenagers are meaningful in personal and emotional growth.
High school is a critical time for personal growth. It is a period of your life of self-discovery and critical identity building. A study found that experimenting with relationships streamlines the process of forming one’s identity and helps develop a stronger sense of self. Trying and sustaining a relationship in high school requires a significant amount of effort and time. Many relationships begin with a surface-level interest that develops into complicated phases of understanding others’ emotions, learning how to spend time together, and navigating difficult conversations. This process necessitates a deeper understanding of oneself, since you must understand your priorities to maintain a healthy relationship and engage in deeper conversations. Krissy Zhu ’28 who has been in a relationship for about a year, stated that being in a relationship taught her to balance social life and academic life. She also added, “I experienced personal growth in the sense that I learned how to apologize and make up from an argument, which was big for me since I often had trouble resolving arguments in the past..”
Furthermore, high school love life can enhance the emotional coping mechanisms and well-being of teens especially in a high-stress environment like Andover. According to the youth development organization at Cornell University, healthy adolescent relationships can provide emotional comfort, security, and belonging, especially as teenagers seek some independence from family members. The study also shows that through the more negative experiences such as breakups and conflicts in relationships, youth build coping mechanisms, emotional regulation, and relationship skills. Zhu further commented on the emotional benefits of being in a relationship in high school: “My relationship made me a lot happier…having someone you can always talk to and rely on helped me a lot. I also learned to become a better listener. After sports, when we have some chill time, we can share and destress with each other; this time is so precious to me.” In the context of Andover, where many students struggle due to its academic load and competition, relationships provide a valuable outlet for teens to be vulnerable and share their emotions. Having someone who prioritizes your needs and mental well-being is incredibly assuring in the hypercompetitive society we live in today.
However, this is not to say that high school relationships have no negative side effects. It is very important to have a good understanding of the proper precautions in order to maintain a healthy relationship. Amelia Ding ’28 who has been in a two-year-long romantic relationship, provided some tips for sustaining a healthy relationship as high schoolers. She advised that both partners should be willing to honestly communicate struggles and problems. She further advised that it is important to understand each other’s schedules and pressures so that both people can maintain a good balance between their academic life and relationship. Therefore, before considering a relationship, high schoolers should ensure that they have an emotional capacity to listen to their partner’s struggles and provide a safe environment for open discussions.
