My biggest idols have always been my older sisters. Whatever they did was cool, and they were the epitome of who I wanted to be growing up. But I also began to experience a growing pressure to prove myself. Where had it stemmed from? Was it when I watched them achieve all sorts of incredible feats and began to wonder if I would ever be able to do the same? Was it the pressure of not being able to live up to the high standards they set? I watched in awe as they both went away to Andover. It was a distant, seemingly unachievable place of prestige and talent. I desperately wanted to go, to join them and follow in their steps. However, upon arriving at Andover, where they’d already set their presences in stone, the weight of their shadows began to grow heavier. Having a sibling at school — while it is such a blessing — comes with its challenges, the biggest of which is the struggle to differentiate yourself from their legacy.
My eldest sister graduated last year, so our years at Andover never overlapped. However, in the four years of her tuition here, she had certainly made quite the name for herself, becoming Abbot Cluster Co-President, captain of captains, etc. My other sister is currently here, serving as both co-captain of girls’ Varsity Squash and a Class Representative. I undoubtedly have the highest amount of respect and adoration for both of them. And yet, it feels as though there are too many expectations set for me after having such accomplished predecessors, some I fear I may not be able to meet. Am I really capable of becoming Class Representative or captain? A bigger question is whether those are truly my goals or if they’re just titles I feel pressured to hold.
Another perspective on the experience of having a sibling at Andover comes from my friend, whose older brother is currently a Senior here. She lamented that, from her encounters, many underestimate her abilities because they assume she received help from her brother. Some people believed that the reason for her acceptance to Andover was due to her brother, rather than her own capabilities and talent. I myself have also experienced such prejudice. As a result, many students tend to feel overshadowed by their older siblings at school.
One of my pettier complaints is the fact that I’m sometimes known as “the sister” and not as my actual self. Oftentimes, people will only approach me because they know I’m related to one of my sisters. They’ll ask, “Are you so-and-so’s sister?” to which my answer is obviously yes. In most cases, they leave after gaining the information they wanted, leaving me with the feeling that they didn’t approach me out of actual intent to get to know me. Such instances also apply to teachers. When I first found out who I had for each class, my sisters were eager to see if they had had the same instructors. When they did, they’d urge me to tell my teachers that I was their sibling, because they were well-liked by them. While I was proud to tell teachers they had taught my sisters in past classes, I didn’t want them to see me any differently simply because of that fact. I wanted to earn their approval myself, without any biased opinions. When people look at me, I want them to see me and appreciate who I am, not who I’m connected to.
I also believe that having a sibling in Andover is a gift not many people have. There is always someone you can trust nearby, whether you need help or just someone to talk to. It’s easy to get homesick away from family, but with my sister here, I can always walk down the street and see her. Additionally, from watching both of my siblings’ experiences, I was able to grow immensely. They taught me what they’d learned from boarding life — how to be independent, how important time management is, even how to form bonds with others. Although other students without siblings can learn all of these lessons, I was able to absorb them much earlier. Additionally, before coming to Andover, I already knew what to expect as they’d gone through the same thing. I didn’t have to deal with the stress of having no knowledge of the school like other incoming freshmen.
My sisters are still my idols. However, in the past, I tried to mimic them because I felt that if I followed their steps, I too would become successful. But my aspirations grew into pressure as I got older. Expectations, comparisons, and constant what-ifs haunted me. Coming to Andover helped me realize that I was following in their shadows. I felt uncomfortable doing anything without their confirmation, and was originally only looking to join the same clubs they were in, or go to the same events they did. I viewed their accomplishments as things that I needed to obtain too. But the multitude of opportunities at Andover and the passionate students with a whole spectrum of interests gave me a revelation: I could create my own path. Now, while I still respect their accomplishments and strive to be like them, I don’t feel confined to the choices they make. While being known as “the sister” sometimes feels like my own self is being overlooked, I can now let it bring happiness and pride. I am learning to see the line between admiring their feats and feeling confined to their actions.
For those of you at Andover with siblings — or even just successful parents, role models, or peers — you can always strive to be like them, but never feel obliged or pressured to follow in their footsteps. Andover is such an amazing place to be, with so many different corners of interest. What might be the right fit for others could be the wrong fit for you, so never feel restricted to a certain path. Although having siblings can sometimes pose a challenge, it’s good to embrace their influences while still creating something unique to ourselves.
